Operation Tweetstorm

Let me apologize in advance for the mental picture.

Imagine this orange clown, all bloated and spastic, laying on his gold bed at 3:44 am, his flabby gut protruding from his tidy-white(supremacy) underwear, and there he is, still stewing over the woman who mopped the floor with him by bringing up another woman he treated like shit.

He is getting more and more agitated as the minutes go by, his very loud sniffling has almost turned into panting and growling by now, a pool of foamy saliva on the corners of his mouth contrasting in sheen and color with the rest of his carotenoid complexion, his tiny fists clenched in frustration and then…an explosion. “Enough!” The pumpkin-spice buffoon exclaims.

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He rocks himself onto a seated position and reaches for his solid gold phone. He feels powerful with that thing in his minuscule hands (he special-ordered a tiny phone) as he has ‘destroyed’ many people with it in the past.

He takes to twitter, the only battlefield he’s ever known (He vaguely remembers getting a Purple Heart there) and sets out to pulverize someone he pulverized once before –when she was 19 years old.

Dripping poison from his ‘wherever’, he sets off a nasty barrage of character assassination attacks. He mentions a ‘sex tape’ and a ‘criminal background’. “This woman has a past!” He cries in anger.

How dare this little woman with a Hispanic accent question how he conducts himself with the people he owns –I mean, who work for him?

By the looks of it, this woman must have a very low self-esteem, right? It’s almost as if someone had trampled her self-image in a vicious and permanent way before she became the ‘unreliable floozy’ that she is now.

This is when Oran52011932gina Jabba started to reminisce about how funny it was to call her “Miss Piggy” because she put on weight and “Miss housekeeping” because –hilariously- she is from one of those Mexico-like countries. He pulled an awesome prank on her by inviting the entire press corps to witness her workout when she had no idea she would be exercising in front of the world. Classic. All of this when she was a sweet and inexperienced 19-year-old girl. Oh, the hilarity!

Once his greasy, tiny Vienna sausage fingers were done doing their deed, the auburn blob felt at ease and was able to retreat to his solid gold animated suspension chamber and catch some z’s. He can do that because he knows that come morning, an army of brainless minions will struggle, scramble and lie to make it all a-ok again.

 

It’s morning in America…

”What Mr. Trump meant was…”

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Donald Trump and The American GOP: Death by a thousand pricks

Yes, I intended that pun.

If you enjoy being annoyed every evening with the political news cycle like I do, you already noticed there’s a certain panic beginning to arise within republican “strategists” (read: pundits) and maybe even more notoriously, within the GOP itself.

The reason for their discomfort? What I call “The inevitability of the Trump”. images

Remember the good’ole days when talking about a Trump candidacy was a matter of humor? Those days are gone. It seems that somehow, the Republicans have completely lost control of their base and those people seem to be flocking to someone that doesn’t fit the traditional GOP “presidentiable” checklist at all.

In the past, Donald J. Trump has claimed to be a Democrat, supported (and financed) the Clintons, expressed his Pro-choice views and he even said we should tax the rich more. In what world does any of this make him an attractive (or even viable) GOP candidate?

It simply doesn’t make sense. Does it?

It does, when you factor in the one thing the Republican Party has been covertly pedaling to the American people for over 40 years: Hate.

During the past 4 decades, the GOP machine has moved away from the straight forward idea of fiscal conservatism and entered the murky waters of social (anti-social?) politics. Before that, the GOP was an economic movement more than anything else and had very reasonable positions on social issues (sometimes more reasonable than Democrats) for instance, during the 1964 Civil Rights Act discussion and subsequent vote, Republicans favored the bill more than their Democratic counterparts (80% in the House and 82% in the Senate over the corresponding 63 and 69% from Democrats).partycivilrights

Then it happened. The 70’s were a tough decade for Republicans. They kept winning elections but disappointing the American people.

I believe it was Nixon (Disgraced, the only American President ever to resign), Spiro Agnew (Nixon’s VP, indicted for bribery and corruption) and Ford (pardoned Nixon and went on to lose his re-election bid to Jimmy Carter) who started the spiral of failures that caused the GOP to look into “redesigning” itself.

Since then, the GOP has been a constant source of relentless –almost inexplicable- opposition, and maybe more importantly, a thinly veiled wave of attacks on civil rights, or as they call them, “social issues”. I guess they figured that a little intolerance couldn’t hurt.

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By minimizing the importance of –and sometimes expressing outright opposition to- women’s rights, they began to appeal to those who systematically want to keep women oppressed (Evangelicals?  Religious people in general?  Who is interested in keeping women down?).

By blaming the country’s economical woes on Immigrants and by constantly pushing an agenda of fear of “terrorists”, they started to appeal to those who think there’s any justification to making any person of non-white descent, a second class citizen (Racists, White supremacists, Evangelicals [again?] and xenophobes everywhere).

By promoting the idea that giving more to Billionaires (Reaganomics, ‘trickle-down’ economics, tax breaks, subsidies, special treatment, immunity from the rules, etc) somehow will magically make things better for the middle class and at the same time vilifying poor people by saying they are like leeches “using welfare money to buy drugs”, they have attracted the Clive Bundys of the world, you know, Texas separatists, conspiracy theory wackos and anyone who thinks someone at the top will fix things for all, while completely dismantling the federal government (how is that even possible?).

So there you have it, unwillingly (maybe), the GOP re-built its base, and this time instead of counting on highly educated fiscal conservatives, they ended up with a mass of uneducated, hateful, angry, illogical and trigger-happy drones.

Then, along came a Spider. M1mAuvh

I truly believe Trump’s campaign started off as a joke. I don’t even believe he actually wanted the nomination, I think he was performing an experiment.

How many hateful, outrageous, insensitive and outright wrong things can I say and still have people take me seriously? I guess the response he got surprised him as much as it didn’t surprise me. The experiment paid off. There’s hateful people a-plenty in these United States and they are –very loudly and out in the open- supporting Donald J. Trump.

All he had to do was:

  1. Be Rich – You know, they guy who will fix everything AND dismantle the government
  2. Be a Misogynist – Because women are dangerous
  3. Be a Racist – Because brown people are dangerous (what does that mean for brown women?)
  4. Be a Conspiracy Theorist – Because Muslim Nigerian Obama
  5. Be loud and irresponsible with his speech – Because these “voters” need someone to identify with.

Presto! Electoral Magic!

He can say whatever, do whatever –even shoot someone right on 5th Avenue- and his numbers only get better.

The Republican establishment is reaping what they sowed, their base is no longer obeying. They are all blinded by hate and –not that they were before- they are no longer listening to reason.

The Republican Party signed its own death certificate, little by little, every time they took a tiny step to take rights away from people, every time they favored the rich, every time they sided with hate, every time they voted against social investment, took healthcare off the table (or tried to), every time they colored (another pun) their opposition to the President’s initiatives with racial intolerance, every time they wanted less for the poor and more for the rich…a death by a thousand pricks.

Now, here we are:

Trump is going to be the Republican Nominee for President of The United States. Let that sink in.

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Hey GOP,

Karma is a bitch.

Angry.

On welfare.

On drugs.

Making minimum wage.

 

Good luck with that.